State of the (Personal) Union

If there was going to be a year to blow my life and end it in a completely different (mental and literal) state, 2020 would be that year. I went to bed December 31st, 2019 at 10 pm with a dog I was “watching” (I borrowed him so I could sleep better and not be worried for my safety in Wichita) in Wichita Kansas. While it’s not December 31, 2020, I’m writing this on my couch with my own dog next to me, living in Illinois and claiming Chicago as my home now. Along the way I changed my online identity, took a new role in the company and well… a lot.

Today is a sort of review of 2020, but a more state of the union of what I could do better and where I want to go in 2021. This is a more personal post so I always appreciate you sticking with me!

A Few Highlights

I would be remiss if I didn’t highlight a few of the most impactful things in 2020:

• Welcome to Honestly Relatable – The Adored Life hadn’t fit for a long time and I knew was holding me back. Launching Honestly Relatable helped me feel like I wasn’t in a box I had placed myself in and I was able to become the real person I am for you.
  
• The Adoption of Eleanor – I asked my best friend Kara where she thought I was going to be a year after the break-up. Her response was, “With a dog and being a boss b*t*h.” Well, she was once again, not wrong. Eleanor joined my life in April and has done nothing but bring joy to me and those around me.
  
• I Moved to Chicago – I had a silly daydream about just packing up and restarting my life. Little did I know I would have this chance. In October (a LOT happened in October, see below) I accepted a new role within my company and moved out of my Wichita apartment on October 31st. I’m still sorting through the shrapnel from blowing up my life (very quickly) and find myself trying to put my new life together every day.
  
• Friendship – This year pushed a lot. Some good pushing and some I wish I could have avoided. A lot of my anger about the behavior during the pandemic made me a really hard friend to love. I recognize that and am sorry. My friends have once again proven their unselfish, unrelenting love and support for me. Although none of them wanted me to move, they all said it was exactly what they KNEW I needed to do. Navigating adult friendship is hard. They get harder the more you are determined make them work. I think I learned this year it’s okay to be disappointed in those you love and it doesn’t mean your friendship is invalid. They can feel the same about you. I know at the end of the day Kara, Sarah, Jessica, Jennifer and Monique are there, despite any differences.

Finances

While we had some unexpected dips into savings this year, I have a much better understanding of money! I got more serious about saving and better financial habits when I thought I might buy a small house in Wichita (LOL to that plan). Having at least 10K for a down payment was the initial goal that spurred me get serious. From this I started following a lot of financial accounts on Instagram (HerFirst100K is my favorite) and joined Ellevest.

Ellevest is one of the only newsletters I look forward to and read every single week. I had to scale back my investments with them but would like to be able to pick it up in 2021. Ellevest is one of the power empowering ways to understand finances, how racism and sexism have economic impact and how to advocate for yourself and make your money work for YOU.

While I hit my savings goal this year, I learned a lot about my financial habits that were holding me back. I will never feel bad for how much Chipotle I order. I will feel bad for (and STOP) buying fast-fashion costing more than it should and is sub-par quality.

I’m very proud of how much I was able to pay for in “cash” instead of on a credit card and paying it off at the end of the month. While I’ve always been responsible with credit cards, focusing on it immediately coming out of my checking account helped me reign in some unnecessary spending.

I think I can sum it up best this way, I don’t feel like money runs me, I now run my money.

Ideal State for 2021: Save 10K, pay off my car and invest more.

Romance

2020 was the year I believed I was worth falling in love with myself. Forced to be truly alone most of the year brought out the best (and worst) in myself, to myself. I feel like I know exactly why someone would (and wouldn’t) fall in love with me. (Oh and I had some random shooting my shot moments.)

Although the topic of love was (and is) on my mind a lot, love didn’t happen this year. The discovery of who I am has made me realize that I can’t be in love yet. Not true love. I can only crawl timidly towards love, not fall in love yet. I think right now is a waiting period for me to discover even more about myself. The time of transition has been hard but reveals another layer of myself worth exploring. How can someone else want to explore what that layer is when I don’t even know that layer yet?

Ideal State for 2021: Don’t base your value on someone else (possibly not) seeing it. Focus on loving yourself.

Mental Health

2020 was the first year I had a consistent therapy schedule. I think a direct correlation to that is the growth I allowed myself to have. As I’ve said before, therapy is not linear. Sometimes I’m still visiting things from my childhood, other sessions are focused on my future worries and proclivities. It gets messier before it gets better, then it gets better and then it gets messy again is what I’d say I’m learning.

In many ways I’m bitter at previous generations for normalizing toxic behavior. I’m resentful that my generation is the one to say NO MORE and is doing the work to instill boundaries in ourselves and children no one did before. I get it though, trying to stop generations of behavior is hard work.

Biggest lesson this year? Asking “What If?” and seeing where that takes me.

Ideal State for 2021: Keep up the consistency with therapy, have less of an agenda for each session and let myself process in real-time what I need in those appointments.

Personal Style

I had inklings my personal style was evolving (heavily influenced by Camille at Lydon’s in Wichita) due to personal taste and the pandemic lifestyle changes. I started playing around with new silhouettes and found new brands. As you all know I don’t like spring and summer clothing so I didn’t really work on my style then.

Moving to Chicago gave me the freedom to ask “What would I wear if no one knew me?” I spent a lot of time watching people in Chicago. What are they wearing? What are their clothes saying? What’s the silhouette? Chicago has an effortless, practical cool. It’s the effortless cool girl vibe that you just want to know more about. Slightly tailored, always practical and classic. Labels are popular, but never flashy. Everything is IYKYK. Don’t like what your neighbors are wearing? Walk six blocks and there’s a different “it” coat you see on everyone.

Sorry Wichita, but Chicago’s worst casual outfit is better than 70% of people trying there. Wichita is just so sloppy. You stand out when you have a decent outfit, with just a tiny bit of imagination. No one appreciates the texture or detail of outfits. Everyone assumes something nice is an Amazon knock-off. Chicago has influenced me to hire a personal stylist to help me pull together my after-work style. It’s something I’ve wanted to redefine but haven’t been able to point and say “that’s what I want.”

I’ve found a freedom to create a wardrobe that is practical to my new lifestyle and allows me to have an unfussy approach. I don’t feel the need to make every outfit standout. Things are less forced. Better. I’m happier in my clothes. I’m letting myself grow internally and that’s manifesting externally.

What am I into now? Golden Goose, black jeans, booties, leather jackets, rich textures, classics, tailored blazers and items that can pull double-duty. Oh and coats. Very into coats. In Wichita I’d be wearing dresses and heels no matter what. That’s just not practical here. I still wear heels and dresses but not the same way.

Ideal State for 2021: Figure out weekend style, stop buying fast-fashion, streamline wardrobe.

Blogging

I have just a few things to say about the current state of blogging. It is not dead, it is a skill you should learn and having long captions on Instagram is NOT BLOGGING! You should always own your own content and if your platform is on an app, you are subject to their terms and conditions. It can literally end overnight based on one tiny thing. It’s not wasting your time to learn the business of blogging and if you’re reading this, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Blogging has been there for me during the most impactful moments of my life and moving to Chicago has been no different. I love the people I have found through this and I hope we all feel a little less alone because we “know” each other.

I’m never going to get a do-over for this year and honestly I don’t want one. Good or bad, I don’t really want to experience a lot of what I talked about in the blog (except the flirting one would be fine). When I think about how this year began and now I’m ending it in Chicago, it really amazes me how much life can change (good or bad) in a year. That potential energy I think is what excites me, because it has just as much of a chance to be a high as much as a low point.