I haven’t felt “free” in my hometown of Wichita, Kansas for a long time. There’s not a single place you can go and not run into someone you know, or want to avoid. Trust me. It’s hard to be excited to return to the city you grew up in and know like the back of your hand. After college (for this reason) and a break-up, I had to move back home. It was my only option and I made it work. The people are nice, the city is trying to change so you experience glimmers of hope. However, about five years later, I find myself dreaming of leaving.
As I think about the last year, the confidence I have that I can do scary things has gotten stronger. I don’t seek them out, but I now know I can do really hard things, handle the ramifications of it and well, maybe I need to do scary things more often?
Where would you go? What do you want to restart? What excites you about going all-in and just saying it’s time?
A New Decade, New Start
I’m just dreaming aloud here. Don’t hold me to this. As we know, I’ve dreaded turning 30 since I was a teenager. I’ve tried to change that script I’ve written for myself this year. I’m 29 and you couldn’t pay me to go back to my 20’s.
I’m not one to take risks. I’m bold, but I’m not risky. I’m a huge believer in your gut guiding you. It knows what you need. I’ve managed to keep that little gut voice quiet(er) in my mind, but it’s getting a lot louder. So I’m allowing myself to talk out loud here….
I would love to start a new decade in a town that no one knows me. Not to sound like I’m trying to outrun my past, but I want a fresh start. The digital world will always follow, but I need a physical world change. What better time to do that starting a new decade?
I Feel… Stagnant, Like the Town
I think that until I leave, I won’t be able to grow in the many ways I know I still need to. Wichita is a very small-minded town, held back by people who want the old, traditional ways of doing things because they are safe. We lose talent when we repeatedly beat them down and they have no hope. Change is the dirty word no one wants to say. The idea that a little bit of discomfort bringing on great things is just too much to thing about. We rely too much on the good nature of our residents to be the attraction and charm, but not listen to what those residents want. We lose young people every year and I hope to be one of those statistics someday.
My best friend said it best. “I don’t think you’ll be able to grow in the areas you want to until you leave.” I feel like I’m stuck in a dead-water pond, nothing to give it life and movement. If it sounds like I’m not a fan of Wichita, yes and no. But for this next phase in life, I understand why so many people, especially women, leave.
A Moment of Reality
Realistically, I have a lot of freelance that keeps me rooted here in Kansas for quite a while longer. That freelance allows me to have a lot of financial freedom and I’m not sure how I can leave that. Perhaps some budget cuts (more on that soon) can help me find a way to make up for that but it does make me wish some people were more understanding that a lot can be done via digital communication and me flying back for one week to do a lot of content creation and meetings.
I Don’t Want to Look Back and Know I Settled
I think/know I will end up in Wichita again at some point. Those reasons are personal, but I fully plan on it. Before that happens, I want to know I did what I could. What I needed to do and didn’t settle for the safe option. It feels really crowded in Wichita and so does the safe lane.
Maybe this is my pitch for you to tell me what you love about your town. Or perhaps I just want to know your story if you felt similar at some point in your life. What is your city you would restart in? Country? Where would you go if you wanted to start over?
Karly
I honestly think everybody feels this way at some point. I can’t imagine ever again living where I grew up, and my husband and I also are itching to get away from the town we currently live in. Priorities and perspectives shift as you get older, so I think where you want to be physically/location is a natural stepping stone with that. If I could completely start over, I’d move to London or just right outside it – I’ve never been there (ha!), but I’ve always felt that’s where I belong.
Karly
https://www.whatkarlysaid.com
Kara F
Yes!! Wichita is very charming in its own way….but it can feel a little stifling and I also hope to live elsewhere at some point. A new adventure is always waiting!
Mallory Anderson
Girl, I relate to this deeply. I am originally from the Florida panhandle. Went to college about 350 miles away, in central Florida. My first job out of college was in central Florida. After a year in that job, I was OVER Florida. Sick of it!
I applied to jobs in any city I could visualize myself in (probably 6-7 different metros on the easy coast / south) and landed in Nashville, TN. It was AMAZING. I loved it. I lived there two years, and would have stayed longer but…1 year in, I took a vacation to San Francisco and by chance, in a bar, met the love of my life. We did long distance a while but I took the leap and moved to SF 3 years ago (we’re married now). All this to say……. GO, MOVE. Take the chance. A lease is the only thing that binds you wherever you go. If I hated Nashville, I would have left. If I hated SF, I would have left. But I hated neither one and was SO MUCH HAPPIER being outside of my FL bubble.
Kell
Come to Ann Arbor, Michigan! We’re still a pretty small town/city (~120,000 people), but we’re a liberal hippy nerdy haven, and I adore it so much. Not that we don’t have our problems and a good chunk of our older folks trying to slow down progress and change, but we also just voted in an even more progressive city council with our primary last week.
I moved here almost exactly a decade ago for grad school, and after about 6 months here, fell completely in love with it. We’re so incredibly nerdy that we can support three different board game/comic book shops. There are so many trees. Southeast Michigan is wonderfully rich with nerd culture. We’re not perfect, but there’s a reason why Ann Arbor lands on those “top 10 US cities to live in” lists all the time.
Kell
Also – it’s so perfectly normal to want to find a place that fits you. I know so many people who left where I grew up, and settled in somewhere else that felt more like home than where their roots were. You’re not alone in the slightest. I actually really liked where I grew up and planned to go back (near the Twin Cities, Minnesota), but fell so in love with Ann Arbor during grad school that I now own a home here, so clearly I’m not planning to leave. 😉
Cate
I ended up in my current city due to the fate of the medical residency match but am so lucky I did! I’m in Rochester NY which has a pretty low cost of living for the east coast, is pretty progressive, lots to do, and best of all everyone takes covid seriously haha. Met my husband here and we decided to raise our family here as well.
Molly
I hear you! As someone who did make the big leap and moved across the country even though I loved Lawrence, it has been the very best thing for me. Don’t get me wrong, it has been hard in a lot of ways. Making new friends in your 30s is harder than I thought. I still miss my favorite people and places from back home, and have less of an excuse to visit them now that my mom died. But 4 years later I don’t regret it at all and I am so grateful for all the ways I have grown. And you can always go back! Under the right circumstances I could totally see myself moving back to Lawrence (though giving up this Santa Barbara weather would be hard). I think if you open yourself up to an opportunity, you’ll know when it is the right move. And you could trade your current freelance gig into something even better with a move – I wouldn’t let that hold you back. As someone who knows a lot about Wichita, I am sure it is not a place that is supporting your growth and your skills would be even more valued in other markets.
Dana Mannarino
I think you know my answer, but I’ll never leave New York City. When people were leaving and going back home because of the pandemic, I was like…I actually have no where else to go because THIS is my home. I think after going to college in Virginia for 4 years, I DEFINITELY appreciated NYC more than I did when I was younger. Now being able to fulfill my dreams here, I couldn’t love it any more.
On the flip side, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live somewhere else. Especially these days. I used to LOATHE California, but now I’m like, “hmmm wonder if I’d ever fit in there”. I guess, never say never, and I love that you’re all about that “gut” feeling, because I am too!
Dana | It’s Casual BlogÂ
Sarah | Shades of Sarah
I can’t really relate to this because I never went back to my hometown, but I’m really glad I found Philadelphia. Wishing you all the best! Now is a great time to make this big change while you have the freedom. Also, you’ll always have roots in Wichita, if that’s any comfort. I don’t have family around here, so I don’t think I’d be back to Philly often if I left for good.
Julie
Moving away from Wichita was the best thing that I ever did from a growth perspective. If your current company has hubs in other cities, maybe that’s an option. That’s what I did — moved to Charlotte, NC with my current company (at the time). I then moved to Austin, TX for several years and miss it dearly (live music & festivals & food trucks & quirky people!). I’m back in Wichita, because my parents aren’t in the best health. It was the right thing to do and I’ve made some good friends since I returned, but I will be surprised if I stay in Wichita for the long-term.
Julie
Although Wichita’s cost of living is much better!! Helloooo crazy housing prices in Austin & Charlotte.
Caitlin
I also moved to a different city (same state, but about 2 hours away) late last year for this reason… I wanted to try something entirely new. Then of course COVID hit, so it’s been definitely an interesting learning curve, but if you have the chance… maybe try to find an area where you have a couple ties that you could lean on, but is otherwise new?