My Kind of Town: 6 Month Chicago Update

Six months ago I drove in downtown Chicago for the first time. I’d been building up my courage all week to do it. I inhaled sharply as I exited and came around the curb. I held my breath. The beautiful skyline of Chicago was right there. And I was headed straight for it. I was running towards something and felt peace.

I never fell in love with my home state the way I have with Chicago. It feels like I’ve packed years of monumental moments into the six months I’ve been here.

Here you can read my 30, 60 and 90 day check-ins.

I’m still running like I have been for two years, but I’m running towards something.

I don’t always know what I’m running towards, but I know it’s there.

Recently I was discussing that what I was running towards felt like it was changing so surely that meant I was wrong before. My therapist pushed me. “What does that tell you?” My immediate instinct was that I was wrong. After a few rounds of discussion, it finally hit, what I’m running towards is always going to change when I’m growing.

I thought I was here to heal and then another reason revealed itself, and another. At the six-month mark, I have a whole list of reasons why Chicago is where I need to be.

It’s almost compulsory to do what seems scary to me now. In a few years I want to move and experience the new all over again. That scary again of a new city. ‘Scary’ can be as trivial as feeling people watching me take photos at iconic landmarks or actually being scared by some pretty big moments that are hard to navigate. It’s a spectrum of what’s scary or hard. I continually do it over and over again to prove that I have the grit and teeth to withstand it. I learned so much about myself in the first six months that I’m already missing that explosive growth. It’s just now catching up to me how much has changed.

Chicago Tests Me

Chicago is hard to love with the freezing temps, ruthless snow and wind and pace that doesn’t slow down for anyone, regardless of the weather. Surviving, much less thriving during, a Chicago winter is a flex and something that describes the indescribable grit and tenacity it takes. Are you worthy of calling it home? It’s not for everyone and it knows it. It’s got a silent confidence that it doesn’t need you, you need it. And that’s the push-pull of this. I do need Chicago and it’s the first time in my life I’ve felt that.

When life narrative are flipped on their head, you never forget when you see it that way.

For the first time in my life, I need something else more than it needs me.

For me, that was just now, when I was finally able to say why this town means so much to me.

Chicago is Teaching Me

My greatest power is walking away, and I’m at my best when I do.

I have to find a way to create comfort while not settling.

How to completely dive in, not dip my toes.

Architecture and the story it tells about our generational values, needs and how life moves on.

To skim the headlines of sports, politics and pizza, because any conversation can quickly broach one of these.

Content and discontent starts within me. Pay attention when I feel both and learn from what they are telling me.

Bet on yourself big time.

To dream and vocalize it.

Giardiniera belongs on everything.

I’m Still Adjusting

Money has been a huge adjustment since moving. Not only due to the increased cost of living but also losing a freelance social job thanks to the pandemic. My work on showing up for myself and self-discipline is influenced by my relationship with my current cashflow. I have to figure out a better way to manage my day-today and make it match my larger long-term goals. I’m not in bad shape, but I know I can do better!

Honestly, I don’t LOVE Culver’s like everyone else does. I still prefer Freddy’s and you can’t take that Kansas out of me. They both feature an old white man, but Freddy’s just is superior in every way. However, they both have terribly slow drive-thrus so they race to the bottom when it comes to that. (Also for some unknown reason White Castle is everywhere here. I don’t know how because I have yet to see a single car at them?)

I’ve changed a lot. I’m mourning the (good) loss of what used to be my priorities. They are no longer aligned with who I am. It’s a shocking change for me and I didn’t anticipate it. So, so, so much has changed in the last year. I’m a different person with priorities even I didn’t realize have changed. I’m mourning the loss of what once was, but in a happy way. All the while acknowledging this change is hard, but a sign of growth.

Oh and that lavender latte situation? Well, I may not have told you. But my main summer drink concern was finding a replacement for the incredible iced honey-lavender latte from Leslie Coffee Co in Wichita. HOWEVER! BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU! Ground Up Chicago has the MOST INCREDIBLE iced drink. It’s called a Vanilla Sky and it is vanilla, lavender and sea salt. I could drink a GALLON of it. (Although I did my best attempt at that last weekend.) (I will only be accepting love in the form of gift cards for this taste of perfection.)

The energy is picking up as we emerge a little from our homes and I’m adjusting to a new pace of life. Chicago spoiled me with a perfect transition pace from Kansas to it. Now I’m finding things a little more crowded, cramped but also an incredible energy. I get to soak up the sun and joy of a city grateful to be moving around, but it’s still an adjustment. I’ve savored the gift of calm I was given upon arrival.