Voiceover: Last time on “An Honest Recap of Moving to Chicago“… Alissa uprooted her life, discovered the Mary Tyler Moore show, couldn’t hang drapes, lamented the feeling of all changes bring grief and wondered if she would ever find “home” again. Will she find home? Will she ever get her 65″ TV off the floor? What’s the best pizza she’s had? Did she find out why she moved to Chicago? All that and more on tonight’s sequel!
I am delighted to say time picked up, the days weren’t nearly as laborious to survive and because of this, I can’t give you the same summary I did before! Life started to take off after that blog post, which confirms what I often suspect, blogging is often the final step for me to process something. It’s as if it’s the final step in my healing or processing when I hit the “publish” button.
I’m here because I need to answer questions I can’t answer unless I’m uncomfortable. Not in a place where I’m complacent due to familiarity. I’ll never be at my best when I slowly try things. I need to dive in 10,000% and see how I swim.
Week Five
I don’t know exactly what changed between day 30 and 35 but I literally felt like a new person. New routines had been established without me realizing it. Places were becoming familiar. I figured out secret free parking lots in the West Loop. I found my favorite pizza from Pizza Lobo (Cheezus, Mary & Joseph add spicy pepperoni) and picked up Homeslice for the first time. (Get the Sammilton and thank me later)
Things that kept me sane? Video calls, friends who made me pick up the phone, a consistent schedule and the Mary Tyler Moore show. (I was given my favorite Mary Tyler Moore print and custom cards!) This week was kind of a blur because it felt like life was happening!
Oh and every Wednesday I call my friend Gabrielle on the way to Culver’s and write the newsletter after. It’s no Freddy’s but it’ll do for now. It’s a routine and Eleanor and I love it. She knows when it’s Wednesday night and won’t let me forget it.
Week Six
My Peloton arrived! I ordered it back in November and by the time it was almost here I asked myself (while eating Sour Patch Kids), “Okay but like do you even want to exercise now?”
“DING!” – My front door with the overly enthusiastic Peloton delivery team that were ready to help me being my Peloton indoctrination into the cu- I mean set-up.
“Well I guess now I have to ACTUALLY exercise.”
Due to the great dining room table disaster we all know about (and can NOT laugh about yet), I decided to turn my “dining” room into a spin studio. I don’t spend that much time downstairs overall and wanted to fix that. I am thrilled with the arrangement and Eleanor is too. There’s a new fiddle leaf fig (I miss the one I had to leave behind in Kansas until I can go back, but I realized the other day when I finally have her… I will have three of them and they are all about 4-5ft. tall.) and a few frames to turn it into my “studio” and it’s perfect.
Yes! I will have a much more detailed Peloton post (I wanted to do at LEAST a month of workouts before I give my review) but I credit it as one of the most positive things I’ve done for myself in years. It been grounding while lifting, inspiring while exhausting and I’ve met myself on that bike every single day since December 19th.
Week Seven
I had a therapy session where I was assigned homework. I rolled my eyes as she said it aloud and took great sadistic joy in it. “Create a vision board.” My therapist KNOWS I think they are a waste of time. YET she still made me. Truth be told she knew, of course, I needed to as I did my usual reflecting upon the end of the year and my January birthday. As I rode on my Peloton I started literally seeing words when I closed my eyes during the hardest parts of climbs. Every time I closed my eyes I saw a vision board that was simply words. I created a vision board that isn’t traditional (did you expect anything less?) but felt so, so right.
It was at this point I started working with Abby as my personal stylist. As we audited my closet she was asking me how I felt about getting rid of so many things and I said, “free.” Every single thing in my life at this point was asking me what I want my next decade to look like. From my energy, mental health to clothing, I was picking up everything in front of me and deciding if I wanted to take it with me. It was exhausting.
At one point I was realized what I had been doing for the last two years was preparing me for these moments. I had to go through so much internal work to be able to manifest and have an external metamorphosis. I started getting a few DMs telling me they noticed a “lightness” that was showing in posts. That’s when I knew it wasn’t just me. The peace I’ve found really is manifesting externally.
Week Eight
The holidays were weird. We knew they were going to be weird. Still, my friends and I were still shocked by how weird they were. It was a mix of anger towards those we saw getting together and evaluating what holiday traditions and feelings we want to carryon or leave behind. Eleanor and I didn’t do anything for Christmas except get a Diet Coke from McDonald’s and car wash. We survived it which was kind of all I could ask for,
At this point I was waking up giddy about the ending of the year and the impending start to a new decade. “I get to start a new decade as the person I want to be, how cool is that? Some people never get this chance.” I realized so much of dreading 30 was because I hate firsts. Even good firsts. I just wanted, for almost 15 years, get over that first day of being 30. (Spoiler, you can read about the joy I feel here at 30.)
Standout Moments
I started making Reels as a creative outlet to learn video. Sure, I could have done it on my phone but you know I love actual photography equipment. While I don’t know how sustainable making Reels is going to be, I am allowing myself to learn a new skill and leave it if it doesn’t bring joy.
I have friends here! Sure I can’t really see them except in limited circumstances but I have found a little circle that I know will keep growing.
The theme of self-discipline smacked me in the face every moment it could. It started with the therapy homework, presented itself physically in the Pelton and mentally drove me to decide how I wanted to start a new decade. All of it came down to self-discipline. This is going to be a huge focus for 2021 and I trust there will be many challenges that arise to help me practice this.
Showing up for yourself is something I have been preaching a lot on Instagram. What does this look like? (I have an upcoming post on this) How do I know I am doing it? Is it the self-discipline I am lacking? Something else?
The moment I didn’t have to correct myself to say where I was living startled me. In introductions I didn’t automatically say Wichita, Kansas. I said Chicago with conviction. Unfortunately as I processed the (good) grief of home being different, the cycles of grief came. It’s hard to process to your friends in Kansas the realizations you are having about the toxicity it is for you without attacking their home. At some point I can look at Kansas in a positive manner, but that’s not right now.
There’s a comfort, peace and excitement that shaped the 30 – 60 day mark. As hard as the first 30 days of moving to Chicago were, seemingly overnight a switch was flipped. Sure, I still dream of Freddy’s and Kara and I venting while waiting 30 minutes in the drive-thru or seeing my other friends kids. The driveway visits with family. Being able to get anywhere in 15 minutes.
I know I did not make a mistake moving to Chicago. I just had to write the first few pages (and we know I hated those first pages) in order to start the new chapter.
Laura Teagan
I absolutely love watching these pieces start to fall into place for you!