While Q1 has a lot of hurry up and wait energy, it flew by this year. We’re already in Q2! Reflecting on posts I’ve enjoyed writing before, I stumbled onto my State of the Personal Union in 2021 that really reminded me what has and hasn’t changed. I think it’s important to sort of level-set what’s going on in my brain and life right now as I ease back into my new blogging and newsletter rhythm in 2022.
Where I’m Focusing My Energy
Consistency and Self-Discipline
Getting rid of a lot of noise and “stuff” in my life that tended to not necessarily detract, but definitely not add, has significantly helped. I’ve never sought out a “simple” life or routine. I like having a lot of things going on. But what I have learned is how to channel that energy that wants a lot of stuff going on into more productive outputs. I got rid of a lot of the excess last year so I could pair down to a lifestyle that is more realistic to where I am in life now.
It’s not exactly popular to say, but I am working on my health and fitness. I’ve had to visit the doctor more in my life that I ever have in the last few months. Subtly, I’ve felt like life has been saying hey you’re in your 30s now, things don’t’ just get better, you have to work on them. I’ve been working on consistent diet and exercise to repair my metabolism and achieve the body/diet goals I have. Instead of double down on bad decisions that I know will continue a toxic cycle I’ve been in with these incredible tough topics.
I’ve found a lot of joy during this time of consistency and focus. Less is truly more and I feel like I’ve gotten the clarity I’ve needed to really be able to be present.
Career/Leadership Development
This is a big growth year for me. Being a good leader is a high priority for me and I’m still finding my footing on what that looks like. Investing in my team and helping them feel empowered is a huge passion. Right now I’m developing that leadership muscle which takes a lot of time and honestly more patience than I anticipated. I want to be a good leader, right now. But as we all know, good things take time. Additionally, I need to work on some of my own development which leads us to the next part…
Polishing
I think I get about 85% of the details right, but it’s the 15% that kills the execution. My friend Melissa I admire a lot for the poise she brings to everything, even unintentionally. I aspire to have that. There’s a clunky-ness about me that is simultaneously charming and my detriment. I’m finding that while I’m comfortable in the 85%, I need to minimize the attention I pay to that and focus on the 15% that is going to take me farther in life. I have a feeling this is tied to slowing down so I can be a little bit more present intentional. When I’m mindful, I execute it well. I scoot in my chair quietly vs a shove that echoes throughout my workspace. Fewer “clunky” moments that I don’t reflect on and realize I could have been just a bit.. softer.
I’ve looked into taking some business etiquette courses and “finishing” classes that can potentially help me address these concerns. One thing I’ve learned is if you have an interest, no matter how niche, someone has a resource or course about it.
What I’m Looking Forward To
Introducing People to the City I Love
I think this is the year people are going to visit me in Chicago. This excites me because Chicago makes me light up and talking about her is one of my favorite things. On the other hand, I’m immensely private about Chicago and who I am in this city. While I’ve blogged about Chicago and it’s been easy to see on Instagram how much I’ve changed, I get a little nervous sharing the city that healed me. I want everyone to fall in love with the city the way I have and I know that’s not realistic. It’s not for everyone. But it was for and I think ultimately I’m afraid that not “getting” Chicago means not “getting” the Alissa it’s made room for.
Is it this a lot of preemptive worrying that will change nothing? Absolutely. Just an example of being simultaneously worried and excited. I’m sure once I have a little practice being a tour guide (I hate, hate, hate doing things for the first time.) I’ll be begging people to visit me in the city! I’m excited to start putting together guides and social media content around these visits. Hopefully you’ll be one of the visitors I get to put together an agenda for!
International Travel
I have very little interest in traveling domestically beyond the visits to family and friends I have. There are a few places on my visit list, some family/friend re-visit(s), etc. but I’d much rather spend my time (and money) abroad. I admire the perspective and experience well-traveled people develop through exposure to other cultures.
I’m looking forward to visiting Ireland again this fall. I hope to make this a yearly tradition! This year the trip will be focused on smaller villages. I’m also going to be spending 8 days in Italy this spring which has been on the wish-list since I was conjugating Italian verbs at KU! I’ll be traveling across Tuscany, Rome and Florence with smaller towns in-between this May.
Spring and Summertime Chi
There’s so much about spring/summertime Chicago that is just the best. Last year it was when things started “clicking” for me and allowed me to get to this point. My friends are also doing so many cool things this summer that I get to support and I can’t wait to cheer them on! I’ve already got a mini-summer bucket list (see last year’s here). It’s getting longer as the temperature slowly increases.
Last year I got a taste of everything warm Chicago has to offer. As a result, I’m in get-ready-for-anything mode. I’ve got some ambitious goals for this summer I’m keeping to myself, for now. Thus, I’m trying to put in the work now to enjoy the effort later! Birthdays, boats, late nights and the energy of a Chicago summer is so close!
What I’m Wrestling With
It’s only fair if I share the good to also talk about the in-between.
Hyper-Independence
My boss has mentioned to me that I sometimes make things harder than they are, by assuming I have to do it all, and I firmly believe this is a result of my hyper-independence. I’ve essentially tripled down on being independent. I’ve started noticing some rough edges of hyper-independence where I cannot accept help. And not just can’t accept it gracefully, it’s actually hard for me to accept that there is help and resources there for me. To my own detriment. I feel as if I have to have plan a, b and c and the means physically and emotionally to get every single one of them done.
Accepting that I cannot be everything to everyone and myself is very hard, but life has a way of reminding me I don’t have to do it on my own.
Is There Going to Be a Future?
Woof. Not to launch into a very heavy topic, but I oscillate a lot between does anything matter, do I really have to pay off my student loans to being ready at any point of time to pay off any debt I have so future me doesn’t have to think about it. Does it matter? Will it matter? Am I saving enough for retirement? Will there even be a future? When does the stress of just existing lighten up just a little? I don’t feel like I’m asking for much, just like maybe not having to think about a pandemic, immunocompromised family members being exposed, retirement savings, war, human right violations… and the list goes on.
I don’t have any answers, no one does. Which is frustrating, so frustrating. Just know you aren’t alone if you’re a pretty optimistic person who has hit their wall.
