The Golden Summer

This has been the best summer of my life so far. I so often felt (and feel, present tense – I’m holding onto every moment we have left of this magical season) that I have worked so hard for two years to get to this season. Literal and figurative, I felt like I arrived into summer in a way that I wasn’t aware of. I cut back on what was draining me, sought out what makes me feel free and experienced loss, growth and above all, learning what it feels and looks like something is truly meant for me.

I feel like so much of this summer has been the epitome of a golden hour coming to life. I’m able to romanticize my own life and main charactering every day, or however we are describing being happy these days and wanting to soak up every moment our lives.

May

Lost a Relationship

Summer 2021 began, quite literally, in a way that I didn’t see coming and still grapple with how or when to talk about. I don’t even know if it was the ending of a chapter or simply a pause. In a way, I think seeing the willingness I had to see something as a pause, a gray area, instead of a hardline ending catapulted me into motion.

The loss/pause/something else of a 19 year friendship is never easy. We don’t talk enough about that. The mourning of your platonic relationships. I hung up the phone and I sat there, thinking about how I felt, it striking me that I actually needed to inform others. It felt like a divorce. Changing beneficiaries, emailing friends to tell them what happened and to change my instructions for emergency notifications and having to communicate to my family and the social media unfollowing, it all felt so surreal.

Immediately after this moment, I thought I would feel lost and floating unanchored, but the reality is that it actually released me and prepared me to grow into the version of me I love.

Moved to Downtown Chicago

Memorial Day weekend I moved into my condo in downtown Chicago. Did I not realize it was the most popular moving weekend all year? No. Did I factor in how hard and expensive it would be to move from outside Chicago to downtown due to the permits, insurance and one million other things you have to have to do so? No. BUT! Did I think about this move and have lots of time to put a plan in motion? Also no. In my defense, I was not anticipating moving, but a one-bedroom condo opened up and it was realistically something I could afford if I was frugal in my spending elsewhere.

Because of the basically two week time from when I learned about the condo to moving, there was a lot different about this move. One of which is that I needed help and had to accept it from friends. My incredible friend Melissa and her husband Jon helped me move. But more than that, they showed me that sometimes you (I) do get by with a little help from my friends. We moved me in less than six hours, from loading to onloading and U-Haul returned. Melissa put me in my place and reminded me that I needed to accept help. Their time and energy in helping me settle made me feel very loved.

The moment I arrived in the city I became abuzz with excitement. Even Eleanor was happier and happy with the change and it was evident, immediately.

June

June was basically spent every day waking up in shock I actually lived in downtown Chicago. I continually passed by places that I used to see on my touristy-walks, as part of my daily mind. I was (and am) in constant awe of what was my new life. I was soaking up the energy of the city every moment I didn’t have to be inside. June was a month that felt like I was constantly overwhelmed with coming into my own and realizing what I had within me.

A Million New Things

June was constantly about trying what I used to think I didn’t like or was good at. Bike riding. Cubs games. Being active. Strength. All of it.

Solo Trip to Seattle

What was supposed to be a friend-trip to Seattle became a solo trip. I had two options: Go live my life or stay at home and think about what was. After some internal debate, I decided to take the trip and make it a trip dedicated to healing and honoring what was in my life. I didn’t have a plan. I just sort of had some things I had saved from Instagram. In therapy my therapist and I worked through what I wanted out of the trip and I decided it would be dedicated to doing that I needed for myself in the moment. Wherever that led.

What that led to was literally being there in the moment for one of the only times in my life. Some of the highlights of the trip:

• I got off at the wrong stop of the train. Like, completely wrong. I knew this the moment I got off and realized I was at a college, definitely not downtown. Had someone been with me I would have completely spiraled and been mortified that I had made the mistake. However, I got off the train, realized I was at the wrong stop, but then turned and saw the ocean and I was like, welp, I’m just going to go there and see where that takes me.
• There was pretty much no plan which was ideal. I stayed downtown so I was walking distance to pretty much anything I wanted to do on this trip and I had a beautiful view. I walked to Pikes Place Market and spent more time than I anticipated, eating even more delicious food that I didn’t anticipate.
• Last minute I booked a body scrub at a spa and a photoshoot. Both of them were some of my favorite moments of the trip.
  

I found Silver and Salt and booked an appointment to browse. Nothing initially appealed to me until she talked to me about a permanent bracelet. Little did I know this is a current TikTok trend, BUT I added a diamond to my chain and I knew it was the right thing for me. It symbolizes all of the work the last two years have been, healing and also a reminder of what I’ve come from.

That day was one of my favorites of my life. I had the best meals (I got the very last table of the lunch service at Matts in the Market – extremely recommend the mussels (even if you aren’t a normal mussels person) and a glass of rosé!), experiences, feelings and I just lived life. I didn’t worry about anything. Nor did I worry that I didn’t have someone with me on a romantic Ferris wheel ride, I had myself and that was enough.

July

Once I got past the dreaded 4th of July holiday (I seriously do not like holidays of any sort) I was able to breath easier. I really had a lot of anxiety around it this year but it was nice getting to see how Chicago celebrates any holiday. During this month I found myself hitting my stride in the city, but being more disconnected from my career which frustrated me. I’ve been able to correct my all-in tendencies with work but I cannot lack passion in what I do and that was what I found myself feeling every morning.

Dating

I had a little foray into online dating. I don’t know what it is about the potential of the hottest month of the year that made me go yes, I want to see what it’s like being around another human when you’re at your most cranky potential. I signed up for Bumble and it did not go well. I, as always, basically turned Bumble into a job and I swiped left on hundreds of men that were in the Chicago area within two days. I literally ran out of men to swipe left on, in Chicago. Literally ran out. It put me into a horrible headspace and I didn’t like who I became in those two days.

I found the middle ground of my behavior and joined Hinge to have a slightly less intense approach. I ended up going on three dates with a guy. The ending was a little weird but overall I can say it was a good experience and I can confirm I’m fine just sort of being with myself and if something comes along, that’s great, but I don’t foresee myself actively dating. I still am just not comfortable with the concept of dating during a pandemic but it is helpful to have things like Hinge where people can self-identify their vaccination status and also outdoor activities during the summer.

Unintentional Dog Walker

So this story really amuses me. I always show up to the dog park looking like a scrub because… it’s the dog park and I understand the assignment. There’s a huge Akita dog that lives in our building that we all love and adore. Long story short, that dog’s mom thought I was a professional dog walker because I was there so often with Eleanor. She stopped me and asked if I could take care of her dog and well, that’s how I became a dog walker to a dog so big it scares people and have two people who are on a wait for me to contact them and tell them my availability. I truly feel like it’s something that could only happen to me and I’m not even sure how it started but honestly it’s kind of nice and keeps me very active!

August

What is it about August that sort of feels like a month of Sundays? And not the Sunday funday sort of way, the dreading Sunday because that means the start of a new week and you are waiting for the other foot to drop. Anyway, August feels like the warning siren that things are about to end and you better soak up those last few days you have before the start of a new season.

Anyway, I quickly referenced my summer 2021 Chicago bucket list to see how I was doing. Quite frankly I am doing pretty dang well so I breathed a little relief. Anyway, August isn’t done yet but it’s really setting me up for some shifts this fall.

Work Changes

I think this is worthy of its own blog post so I’m not going to give too much away. TL;DR is that I received an internal offer from another department that is monumental to me in title and compensation. It’s sort of funny how you know you are working towards a goal and then when you get there you don’t know how to really recognize that. I’m definitely better at it than I was in previous scenarios, but I still have some pinch me moments as I transition at the end of the month into the new role.

Regular Coffee Shop Customer Status

Four months ago I didn’t even like iced lattes (except for the one seasonal drink from a coffee shop in Wichita, a honey lavender latte) and now I am a daily customer at the Ground Up in River North. To the point that they just start making my order when I walk in the door, before I pay. How did this happen? I’ll tell you how, their Vanilla Sky iced latte. It was a spring seasonal drink I would pick up once a week.

I moved downtown and they became part of my morning routine. Then one day I was crabby and I realized, “Oh no. It happened.” My friend Melissa warned me this was how it started and indeed, it started. I now walk in and order that drink every day and the baristas know if there is one single thing off about me that day.

So far I have contained this status to just this coffee shop and I don’t find myself looking to replicate it when traveling. But I think I have started down a path that is too late to return from. Also, iced lattes are life and I will not change to hot, even in the winter. Thank you very much.

If you aren’t a fan of summer like I wasn’t, visit Chicago in the summer when it’s 80 during the day and you wear a leather jacket at night. It’s the perfect push-pull of energy and doing it all mixed with savoring the beauty because you know winter is around the corner. Chicago summer enters and exits on its own whim, so you say thank you while you have it, reminding you of why you love the city so much.

I’ll always remember this summer for the growth, the espresso martinis and the genuine joy I’ve found showing up as a regular occurrence.