I never thought I would need to re-learn what works for my body. Once you’ve hit your 20’s you’re done, right? Turns out your body is always changing and you never actually figure it out because it wants to keep you humble. Think you know where you’re going to gain weight? Turn 25 and watch it all change. (Yes, I know that you are going to tell me it gets worse with age.) Never have had an issue with stomach fat before? LOL JK THAT CHANGES TOO! See? Life is like a box of chocolates and if you eat that entire box, good luck not having to use Spanx the next day.

I’ve lost a little weight (last summer I was at my physical heaviest as I was dealing with the impending break-up.) but not enough to truly impact my body image or size. Just a bit more comfortable and it was all stress-induced. But the thing is, no matter whether I gain or lose, my body has changed and I’ve had to adapt to that.

Embrace Where You Are

Trust me, I get it if you struggle with this. I am the person who sees absolutely NO positives when it comes to my body sometimes. I’m not even grateful that it does all it does for me. (I’m working on fixing that.) But the thing is, if you are forcing yourself into pants, dresses, tops that aren’t meant for where you are, all you are doing is punishing yourself. You may think it’s fine but quite frankly, trying to force what doesn’t fit isn’t going to create a flattering look.

• Sizing up in those pants isn’t going to change your value as a human. What it will do is create a flattering, comfortable experience that reminds you what do you like about yourself.
• Adapting to certain more flattering styles and phasing out ones that aren’t as flattering isn’t something that means you failed. It means your life stage is different and you’re embracing it. That confidence is going to show.
• NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOW YOUR SIZE AND WHAT IF THEY DO? I publish my size (trust me, it was terrifying) on almost every single blog post.
• I cannot stress this enough, dressing for where you are (not where you want to be) is the easiest way to feel better about where you are.

Your Value is Not In Numbers

How much do you make? What’s your bra size? What size jeans do you wear? How much does your house cost? What did your car cost? How much debt do you have? How much do you weigh? What’s your BMI?

So much of our lives (often feels like all of it) comes down to numbers. Our value to society is distilled down to numbers. Honey, you are not alive to lose weight and pay bills. (But do pay your bills.)

• Your friends and family do not love you more or less because you weight a certain number. And they will not love you any less or more if that number goes up or down.
• Your net worth does not determine how much you mean to the world.
• Gained some weight? Think EVERYONE notices? Babe, I’ve got news for you, no one is paying as much attention to you as you think they are.

Do The Things That Help You

I’m going to be really honest, like, super honest. I do not do things that I know will help me feel better. Why? Because it’s easier to not do them. It’s easier to ignore what you know is best for yourself for the easier thing. I can’t tell you how often I think about what I could do to feel better about something. I could have easily done that ONE thing that would make me feel better emotionally, mentally, physically but instead I spent 10x longer ignoring it.

• Embracing where you are doesn’t mean you have a pass to do whatever you want. You need to do what your body needs. Your mind needs. What your heart needs.
• Embrace where you are and do the things that will make you feel good. Is that movement? Eating at home more? Remembering that you are worth more than your numbers? Whatever that is that you need, do it. I beg you.
• Are you not sure how to dress for your body? There’s no shame in reaching out for help. Or reading a ton about your body shape and learning what you like about it and want to accentuate.

Reflect on the Good

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Andy Bernard

Am I really closing out a blog post with an Andy Bernard quote? Yes, yes I am. I challenge you to look at the good in your life, now, past, possible future. For me, my body change came during a really wonderful time of life, full of good. My current body is in a wonderful time of life. I wish I would have known back in college that I was semi-in my good old days with that college weight, but guess what? That doesn’t take away from where I am now. There’s so much good all around me and that has nothing to do with my body changes.

Darling, there is so much good in the world, and you’re part of that good.

Love, Alissa