I found my first gray hair(s) the week I turned 30. I thought I was gracefully entering the decade I’d spent my entire life afraid of. Then Saturday IT happened. I did not handle it gracefully. I googled when I needed to start dying my hair, videoed my friends and immediately started putting together a game plan for dealing with the two gray hairs I’d found.
Ultimately, I decided to do the most mature thing and cut the gray hairs out and then deny it ever happened.
Throughout the year I would occasionally cut those gray hairs. Slowly they were joined by a few more intermittent friends. Although I’m not at the point where I have to make a decision about what to “do” with these hairs, I know it’s coming.
Gray hair, in my perspective, is one of the first reminders we aren’t promised forever. I’m not here to tell you about my sob story of six gray hairs. Or warn you that this day will happen to you. (It will.)
Instead, I’m here to remind you and me, on my 31st birthday, that if you’re reading this, aging is one of the highest privileges.
It is the highest privilege to get to experience being unable to relate to other generations younger than I am. Because I had that time and now it’s time for me to be here, now. My place is to be a 31-year-old woman who is focused on her career and personal growth. I relate to Adele’s music and memes about therapy, proudly. I’ll admit there are some things about the freshman generation I’m confused about. Their career goals and values confuse me. We confused others and now it’s their time.
The death of my aunt, uncle, and grandfather have deeply impacted me in ways I’m still digesting. My aunt and uncle were younger than my parents. My grandfather, almost 100, was ready. Funny though, he still wasn’t fully gray. A distinguished salt and pepper, with the pepper hints giving us a little insight into his mischievous younger self. His hair always made me smile. He was a handsome man who in his 90’s still had a pretty good head of hair.
As we left 2021 I listened to what grief was telling me. I came to this, there are three people that don’t get to continue to have experiences. I want to take them with me into this year in my own way.
I’m 31 Today With No Plans on Being Practical
I am a grown woman who has no plans to start being practical.
I will continue to be impractical and fabulous. That’s a promise.
While that level of impractical and fabulous continues to be refined, I can assure you, that spark will not leave. I plan on intentionally living this year because I’m reminded what it’s like to not be able to. Earning those gray hairs that are making space for me to experience life is the highest privilege.
I’m comfortable in my skin and power because others have shown the beauty of embracing where I am in life. I’m surrounded and loved by women of many generations. I get to see strong women handling what I hopefully will someday experience. Their vulnerability in talking about what they weren’t told is invaluable to me. Breaking down the walls to help us realize we’re really not alone. Our struggles may feel unique, and in many ways are, but as I take in their stories, I see so many similarities.
Last year I took solace that everyone has their unique timeline. No matter how far off those timelines are, we share commonalities. Firsts lasts and the in-between we tend to find common ground. However, in those comments, how everyone handles their gray hairs (and gray hair moment) are uniquely different and personal.
I’m on the path to figuring out what I’m going to do, but those hairs are well-earned. Did I cry when I thought about the fact that I won’t always have a perky chest and what if I meet the love of my life when they are starting to sag? Absolutely. Will you cry about that? I hope not. But if you do, know you aren’t the only one who’s cried and thrown herself on her best friend’s couch in sorrow.
I welcome myself to 31 with this post, and double checking if those gray hairs need a trim. As the color fades, it makes time room for the space we are able to grow into taking up.
Take your space, the world needs it.
Patricia Ann Fuller
Hello beautiful, and Happy Birthday! Rejoice in the gray, for with it brings a lot of experience and wisdom. I am all gray now, and while I am much older than you, and certainly a lot less able, in my heart I am still young. Love you dear <3
Emma
Happy belated birthday! 🎉 Your pink dress is so pretty!!
A few gray hairs are nothing to worry about. Some people get them in their early 20s. Some even before that. Luckily we have ways to deal with them…like you are doing, by cutting them or dying them or maybe even embracing them, later on. I agree that it is a privilege to get to experience them, while in the same time still being very young, healthy and vibrant!