I had one of those lifetime movie childhoods. The one with the unfortunate circumstances and abuse. I was a quiet kid who read a lot and clung to academics as my future way out. I was essentially raised by teachers, the system, and myself.  I was a foster kid who aged out of the system and both my birth parents were adopted so I had no exposure to my heritage, no knowledge of where I really came from. Above all, I had no sense of belonging. As a young adult, this lack of belonging manifested itself in a variety of ways from marrying too young, having a family too young, seeking acceptance by attaining perfection in all that I did. It was never enough.

In my late 20’s my birth mother found me wanting to see me and talk with me. I met with her and discovered she had ovarian cancer and wanted me to get the genetic testing. She passed months later, but I did do the testing. This led to my renewed interest in who I am and where I come from. By the time I reached my 30s, I was ready to know. I signed up for Ancestry testing, spit in the tube, and sent it on its way, not knowing what would come of it.

I am of Ashkenazi and Middle Eastern Jewish descent. Reading that line was indescribable. It was wonderous and affirming and dizzying all at the same time. I was already something of an amateur scholar of Jewish history, having been inexplicably drawn to this topic throughout my life. To know this interest came from a molecular level was almost magical. I began to study and reach out to resources on Judaism, to immerse myself in my birthright. It was like finally coming home to a place my weary soul never could have imagined. And yet, this joy was offset by the unfortunate reality of persistent antisemitism, especially in the Midwest.

I live in Kansas. I know only a handful of fellow Jews and the local temple culture is exceedingly difficult to enter so there isn’t much a local community. In addition, I learned that many people who were my friends actually harbored anti-Semitic beliefs. I remember very clearly when the company Shein came under fire for marketing swastika necklaces and t-shirts that strongly resembled the Nazi Youth symbolism. A friend posted on her social media how proud she was of her enormous Shein haul. When confronted, she did not express any remorse. When a white supremacist group attacked the capitol wearing “camp Auschwitz” clothing and waving nazi flags, still nothing was said.

And yet, my city is full of self-proclaimed “activists”. These groups and individuals do not include anti-Semitic racism in their activism and even at times perpetuate it further. There is one group in particular here in Wichita that does excellent work with BIWOC and homelessness but will argue publicly that the privilege light-skinned Jews receive before it is known that they are indeed Jewish negates their experience as an oppressed minority, somehow cancelling it out. When discussing white supremacy and the danger it poses to all non-white groups, Jews are left out of the discussion entirely. It is equally as dangerous on the politically left as it is the right, with every one of the idolized Squad (except Ayanna Pressley) supporting anti-Semitic legislature and the BDS agenda. Though our philosophies such as living Tikkun Olam aligns us most often with the left, we are rejected as being “too white” while the right rejects us because we are not white enough. Not only is this no-win idealogy harmful to Jews as a whole, but it also completely dismisses the experience of those who are not ashkenazi (traditionally lighter skinned due to their place in the diaspora) such as the Mizrahi or other ethnic divisions. It also completely dismisses that we biologically originate from Judea, our namesake,  in the middle east prior to the diaspora or that the diaspora occurred because of millennia of genocide and ethnic cleansing.

There is no safe place for us politically, socially, or otherwise.

Imagine finding yourself only to discover that the world not only hates what you are in your blood but can’t even admit to themselves that they do and that they don’t even understand why they do. Imagine that nearly every day you have to read specialty news outlets to even read about “Jewish issues” because the mainstream news doesn’t think stabbings on the subway or memorial desecrations are worthy of airtime. Imagine posting so much on social media to bring awareness to your acquaintances only to find that their indifference to this particular kind of suffering and racism essentially shouts louder than their voices could have if they had said something, anything. Imagine wearing being afraid to travel while wearing your David Magen necklace. Imagine people trying to convert you because they do not accept your faith, especially in a place as red as Kansas. Imagine talking to your children about how people may treat them and how to stay safe. Imagine seeing people all around you in this time of racial awakening finally standing up for injustices to other groups only to turn to you and tell you to sit down and shut up.

I am a proud Zionist, Jewish woman. I stand firm in my heritage and I find belonging and acceptance in it. I find peace in the philosophies and rituals. When I light the candles and keep Shabbat, I think of every Jewish woman before me who has kept these traditions going through thousands of years of persecution and I feel connected to them. When I fulfil tikkun olam through mitzvahs and striving to be a decent human being in general, my heart beats with every other Jewish person who has kept this humanity-based faith (secular Jews are Jews too) despite everything going on around them in every time period which surely should have caused them to lose their ideals and indeed their faith in humanity. But they persisted. And so do I.

I recently read Ben Freeman’s new book Jewish Pride: Rebuilding a People. “… We can form a buffer from it by educating, inspiring, and empowering Jewish people all over the world to feel pride in their Jewishness. To not be afraid of identifying as Jewish. To not be afraid of prioritizing the Jewish people in progressive activism. To recognize the incredible beauty and diversity in the Jewish people, while not being afraid to help Jewishness and Judaism evolve…”

In a way, my journey to my Jewishness is very much representative of what it is to be a Jew in general, to withstand hardships and ongoing journeys that may not be easy but they are certainly rewarding. To find yourself while the whole world tries to make you into something else, tugging at you to assimilate, assimilate. And though it is a journey and a hardship, in my Jewishness, wherever I am, I’m home.

-AB

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Cecilia, I am honored to get to be your aunt and for the whole .5 seconds you will cuddle with me I LIVE FOR. Thank you for letting me still have some attention from your mom. Thank you for showing us a whole new world. We are here to support you in WHATEVER YOU NEED. I love you!

Dear Cecilia,

Aunt Alissa asked me to write a letter to you all about your life and what it is like to be your mom. Since your Aunt Alissa is one of the best humans on the planet, as you well know, I figured I could give it a try. You are almost 14 months old now and FULL of sass with a joyful spirit. Your world is starting to expand as you figure out how to do new things such as stand and take steps (with some help). You have decided that climbing is a fun new activity and you like to throw things to see what happens. Basically, you are becoming more and more independent and even though I can’t say I enjoy cleaning up the food you throw when you are in your high chair, I love watching your personality grow as you figure out what you like and dislike. Even at this young age you aren’t afraid to “voice” your opinion and make sure that you are noticed. Based on what I have observed about your personality so far, I hope you continue to keep an open mind about new experiences, stay determined to accomplish your goals, and giggle over the silly things in life. 

Something that people will probably ask about as you get older is what it is like being adopted and/or why you look different from your mom and dad. I wish I could give you the perfect response for situations like that but there really isn’t one (trust me, I have looked). What I can tell you is that your dad and I are here to support you and together we will do our best to help you through those times. While adoption brings so much joy into people’s lives, your dad and I understand that it comes with pain and grief as well. By listening to other adoptees, I have learned that there might be days that you are happy that you were adopted but then there also might be times that you wish you were still with your first family. I want you to know that is totally normal and you have every right to express those feelings. I promise to listen to you during those times of confusion or sadness and to find other transracial adoptees that will be able to relate to your experiences. 

Deciding to become a mother through adoption and getting to be your mother in particular is the one thing in life that I have always been 100% sure about. It has helped me to become more patient, opened my eyes to the injustices in the world that need to be addressed, and helped me to realize that I have my own biases that I need to learn about and overcome. Overall, being your mother has just made me feel more fulfilled in life and I am so grateful for everyday that I get to see you grow. 

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Name: Shelby Sorrel

Education: B.A. from Texas State University

Hometown: Austin, Texas

What did you study in college and do you apply any of it in your career? I studied Communication Studies with a minor in Psychology in college — I wanted something general that had to do with interacting with humans. A lot of what I do as a full-time Social Media Strategist and Influencer is working with people, networking, selling my services, forming interpersonal relationships, and communicating with my rad followers. Because of this, I would absolutely say I’ve applied the things I learned in my college courses to how I actively work to build my business and relationships now.

What path led you to your current role? Honestly, after working in corporate America for six years, I was offered a job at a big PR agency in town to do social media, I decided to take the plunge and immediately left my job working in retirement — Non-Qualified Deferred Compensation Plans, to be exact (it’s as exciting as it sounds). I knew I had a huge passion for all things social media and that this was my chance to chase that dream at an agency I respected (I still do, they are incredible and full of talented folks). After a few months, I decided to head out on my own and try and do the dang thing full-time. Here I am now, almost two years later, loving what I do and waking up excited to work each day.

What is the biggest misconception about your role? That it is easy and does not require hustle. This is completely inaccurate, as the influencers and social media professionals I know work so incredibly hard each day on brand deals, engagement, marketing, content creation, and more. Of course I get to make my own schedule, which at times makes it look like I am goofing off during the week, but this job also requires a lot of late nights, tons of time spent networking, hours on end shooting and editing content, and working throughout the weekend. Note: I will be the first to admit that I am very lucky to be able to do this as a career and I definitely acknowledge that corporate America and 9-5 jobs also have rigorous hours at times, all jobs do. I just want to make sure that I do mention that influencers do work very hard at what we do, because we love it, and we love sharing our experiences with the world.

Tell us about your typical work day. My typical work day varies — the morning usually looks like emails and entirely too many cups of coffee. I typically go to at least one coffee shop a day to get out of the house and be around others who are also working diligently (and of course to accidentally spend 30 minutes scrolling through Instagram and freak out that I just wasted time). I will either come home for lunch or meet a friend (or client) for lunch, or an afternoon coffee date. I shoot content during the day when there’s lots of sunshine, and my nights are usually filled with editing photos or attending as many networking/foodie events as possible to make sure I am putting myself out there, to see friends of mine, and to stay up to date on the newest openings in town.

What motivates you in your role? The passion I have for it and the people who enjoy consuming my work! I am inspired daily to keep pressing on in this social media world because of the people who encourage me, find a spot for their anniversary dinner because of a post of mine, and DM me asking questions about faith, Austin, life, food, and the little things in between. It brings me joy to share my life with others, and it brings me even more joy when the content I create inspires others.

What demotivates you in your role? The internet can be a discouraging and wild place at times. I think sometimes I can let people get to me a little more than I should. I have worked at developing a thicker skin towards the opinions of others, but taking it a day at a time and taking a break from Instagram when I need a reset is all I can do to combat that and get myself motivated again.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten? Never go to bed angry, always, always apologize when you made a mistake, and watch what you say, because you can’t take words back.

What would you tell yourself at 25? KEEP GOING, GIRL. Work hard and keep working on that side hustle, and you will get to where you want to be.

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